Real Ale Drinker?

Do you think this chap is a real ale drinker? I'm not convinced, although his beard did make me giggle. I can see how his colleagues may find his appearance funny. Is it stuck on? Full story here.

.

Quick Reference Guide to Terrorists and Real Ale Freaks

Look at the picture above. Confusing isn't it? That is why I have prepared this quick post to help you identify your real ale/CAMRA/Ticker stereotype from your average Taliban fighter or terrorist leader.

Appearance: Both beardy wierdy and fundamentalist insurgent will appear similar at first. Both will be bearded and emit an odor that will evacuate a room. This is why many beer festivals are held in tents, and why the Taliban live in the desert. In general fundamentalists will be wearing a tea towelesque head piece. Real Ale types may be observed in the optional flat cap.

Religious beliefs: Real ale types believe in CAMRA whilst terrorists generally believe in Islam. Both will spit out similar mantra that they have been brainwashed with.

Employment: Whilst most Taliban members have a moral objection to beer, they think it is OK to cultivate opiates and heroin for a living. I suspect that real ale die hards are unemployed and live at home with their parents and several hundred cats.

Accessories: Real ale types will often be observed wearing many badges of honour, a plastic bag and a pewter mug attached to their belt. Taliban insurgents can generally be observed carrying an RPG or AK47.

As you can see there are some subtle differences between these two unusual stereotypes and with a little practice you will be able to identify each variant. These people do exist, so please excersize caution and do not approach by any means.

CAMEL

In these troubling economic times people are looking to save on costs. Due to the success of consumer groups like CAMRA, pubs which have been serving cheap cooking lager for decades are being forced to replace their best sellers with quality real ale.

My observations have been that cheap lager still out sells real ale by about 10 pints to 1, and the low cost and high sales of these products in supermarkets is another testament to their popularity. This raises the question is CAMRA too powerful?

I will not raise the issue of beer and social class again, but generally it's accepted that whilst CAMRA insists that it represents the working class, it's members are on the whole middle class readers of the Daily Mail. CAMRA also has no interest in lager whatsoever, even if it is high quality lager such as Moravka. So who is going to protect the interests of the low income earners, and lager fans alike? My solution is a rival consumer group called;

CAMEL - Campaign for (Cheap) Economic Lager

.

This group will lobby on behalf of Carling, Fosters and Carlsburg. It will aim to get Victoria Bitter and Tooheys New on tap in every pub in England. It will be bounded by no social class, or newspaper! Readers of The Sun and News of the World will be most welcomed, and Jeremy Clarkson has agreed to be our president.

.

I think the motto will be "A man's not a CAMEL".
.
.

This post is not intended to be serious and is purely fiction, but I guess most people could tell that.