Quick Reference Guide to Terrorists and Real Ale Freaks
Look at the picture above. Confusing isn't it? That is why I have prepared this quick post to help you identify your real ale/CAMRA/Ticker stereotype from your average Taliban fighter or terrorist leader.Appearance: Both beardy wierdy and fundamentalist insurgent will appear similar at first. Both will be bearded and emit an odor that will evacuate a room. This is why many beer festivals are held in tents, and why the Taliban live in the desert. In general fundamentalists will be wearing a tea towelesque head piece. Real Ale types may be observed in the optional flat cap.
Religious beliefs: Real ale types believe in CAMRA whilst terrorists generally believe in Islam. Both will spit out similar mantra that they have been brainwashed with.
Employment: Whilst most Taliban members have a moral objection to beer, they think it is OK to cultivate opiates and heroin for a living. I suspect that real ale die hards are unemployed and live at home with their parents and several hundred cats.
Accessories: Real ale types will often be observed wearing many badges of honour, a plastic bag and a pewter mug attached to their belt. Taliban insurgents can generally be observed carrying an RPG or AK47.
As you can see there are some subtle differences between these two unusual stereotypes and with a little practice you will be able to identify each variant. These people do exist, so please excersize caution and do not approach by any means.
posted by Tim at
Thursday, February 19, 2009
11 Comments:
Bloggers:
I suggest you treat this posting the contempt it deserves. Ignore it.
Could you also tell the real ale fanatacist by his morris dancing garb and in depth knowledge of the railway timetable?
Well it made me laugh. The picture in particular.
Holy shit, I'm proud! Good to see The Dr. take this battle head on, with humor too! Anyone that would suggest treating this post with contempt is a fool. Grow a pair of balls and buy a sense a humor. While you're at it, stop believing you're some sort of serious beer journalist, CAMRA Steward, Beer Blogger Royale with cheese, etc. Nothing is more disgusting or pathetic than a beer geek who takes themselves seriously.
Dr, respect!
Ian, most of my posts are satire. The category label even says Joke. Lighten up. There is no point in intellectualizing beer. Have some fun with it.
Classic! Keep up the good work!
Tim, I suspect Wurst will call me a kiss-arse for saying this, but I can see why some might get offended.
Made me laugh, I admit.
Dave the only people who might be offended are the people who need a wake up call. It's the people who are giving everyone else a bad name.
Plus, I think it's funny.
very informative post here Tim, how would you class this extremist?
Moses,
He probablky prefers mead and loves dungeons and dragons or warhammer. All the above rules apply from the ticker perspective.
Nice post Tim, any do-gooders who take offense need to get a life. I'm pretty sure very few terrorists will be reading this blog, and by definition they're the scum of the earth so who cares what they think. So that only leaves the camra types to be offended, and really, wasn't that the point ?
You don't see millions of blondes or the irish having a cry at the thousands of stereotyped jokes about them.
To those who would grizzle, I suggest you check out the video from the 'Snowed in' post here a few weeks back
http://thebeerdiary.blogspot.com/2009/02/snowed-in.html
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